On Death and Dying

At the end of 2023 I was diagnosed with Stage 4 non-small cell lung cancer and started treatment with an immunotherapy antibody called Keytruda. After three injections of Keytruda my immune system started attacking my own body.  I checked into the hospital where my condition quickly worsened, completely losing my appetite and any ability to conduct the most basic tasks. After about two weeks of drugs and blood tests and wires and tubes I called it quits. I started refusing treatment and told my doctor to let me die.  

My oncologist, Dr. Kelli Cawley, had a long frank conversation with me about my prospects for continued life. I expect she worked a lot of this out with my wife, Marsha. The picture she drew for me was a dire and not completely hopeful bit, presenting a small window of a chance to survive. To tell you the truth this really reminded me of a scene from the movie The Matrix in which Trinity, to escape the Agent chasing her, leapt off a building to dive through a small window in the building across the street to make her escape. Pardon me for not digging up a YouTube link to that scene.

Dr. Cawley did support me in refusing some of my treatment; all of the sticking of needles into my already black and blue arms. But she advised that I absolutely needed certain medications to aid my recovery.

After about a week my lung capacity had improved to the extent that I could be released to the care of home hospice. So, I got to go home and between you and me and the wall, I expected this to define the extent of my existence at the end of my life.

I graduated from home hospice. And I underwent radiation treatment. Today I’m technically in remission, which is to say that my cancer will kill me later.

Later this week I’ll have another petscan which will identify the next steps in my treatment. I’m optimistic that I’ll live a couple more years, and possibly more.

I tried here to make the description of treatment and the details of symptoms as brief as possible, sparing you from the indignities and hardships of cancer patient care.

End Notes

I found myself unprepared for dying. Having at least a couple more years gives me some room for estate planning and providing for loved ones. I’ve tried to address seemingly simple things like providing access to investments, income and properties to my spouse so that she can just pick up and go on without complications. And I’ve tried to provide for deserving relatives.

I’m thankful to the Veterans Administration and to Medicare for blunting the sting of the cost of health care during this time. There’s a strong argument for a young person to enlist in the military while young just for the benefit of health care when they are old.  

I’m writing here to explain why I’m still alive. I think I gave several people the impression that I was as good as dead. And frankly, I really believed I was about to die at the end of last year. I hope you’re not disappointed. No worries, the end is certain.

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Send your Questions Comments and Impassioned Speeches to Bud Houston, Houston.Bud@gmail.com.

Tags: breast-cancer, cancer, cancer-treatment, health, healthcare